I went up to Kurt's parent's cabin for the weekend. It's been great to get a way from work, mom, Misha, and Oshkosh... and I love that there's so much of him here... his presence, his memories, his pictures on the wall...part of him is here. His presence is comforting, but there are the moments when I'm horror-struck to think about the fact that he may never make it back here...He's the love of my life; I can't imagine spending my life without him, I can't imagine coming here for the next 80 years without him at my side...and without our children. The thought of never having the opportunity of starting a family with him, of those challenges you face together, of handing him our child for the first time and saying, "Meet your daddy..." It breaks my heart. My soul aches for him...and it will until he's home.
I had to skip going to a graduation party with Angela and Michelle to stay up there...and I really debated it. But Michelle hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks. And while I'd love to see her, but she doesn't seem so wriled up to see me. Angela is in the middle, and I feel bad for that - I know we're all in transition and have very different schedules, but you need to make each other a priority...and I suppose I broke that rule last night. But I didn't wanna face my mother again. I knew she'd be condescending about me going out and yell that I'm an alcoholic (yet I drink like a beer every month.) Anyways... I hope that friendship hasn't died...I hope even more that I didn't kill it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment