I inadvertently began writing my wedding toast...
I have found The One. Mary, Herman, you have raised a son that so graciously supports me, whose presence at once tears my heart and mends it, and who loves me in the manner of which fairy tales were written. I have to laugh when I think about how our relationship started, and how many of the people who know ME best said, "you're doing it again!!" or gave me That Look after I told them Eric is in the military. But we One. On a summer day when I was a little girl, I came inside to see my dad, just in from mowinboth knew from the beginning that THIS... is different. After we jumped out of a plane on our first date, he stood in my doorway with this little grin and told me, "You're worth the wait." Later that week he told me, "I have finally found my equal." That's when I knew: I have found The g the lawn, staring out the window. He was looking at my mother laying outside in the sun, and he had such a look of awe and humility on his face that it was intensely private and passionate moment and I quickly left the room. I'm pretty sure he never knew I saw him. But he had such a look of amazement at knowing that he had somehow been lucky enough to get her, that from that moment forward, I KNEW, "I want a man that will love me like that. I want a man that will look at me like that after 25 years of marriage and 2 kids, I want a man knows I may not be perfect, but I'm perfect for him." I knew I could never settle for less. I've finally found him. Many years and many struggles later, this is a marriage of equals. Eric, we have endured through lonely and difficult times and regardless of what life throws at us, we're in it together. I must warn you, Eric, that I learned from my Mother what marriage and love truly mean, that I will NOT always be your favorite person. But I WILL always be the love of your life. I love you. Now, I struggled with how I'd honor my dad here, considering that our family has now expanded to include the brother and sister I never knew I was missing until I had them and the most giving and loving man I know for a stepfather, but I settled for this: I would like to make a toast. In honor of all those who could not be here tonight, those looking down, those lost before their time. A toast, to the people who taught us to love. A toast, most of all, to the first man I ever loved. Cheers.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
More Keila-isms....
Keilaisms:
If "getting your jollies" means "having an orgasm" does that make Hugh Hefner a "Jollies Rancher"?
Would squiggles be what happens when a squid giggles? They DO leak ink...
For the record, David Sedaris is my muse. :) Apparently gay men really do do it for me. haha
Nothing like a good cover-up.
I actually like kid's toys. I'm always excited to get to go to people's houses that have kids. especially if i'm babysitting and I know they won't be back for a few hours after the baby has gone to bed. I'll have a few unsupervised hours to pull ALL of the children's toys out and play with them. I could play with the toys with the child, but I don't like sharing. Something about passing a gooey, saliva-covered block back and forth and suffering the disappointment of their uncoordinated limbs flailing about madly in a poor Michael J. Fox impersonation and knocking over my glorious creations tends to turn me off. Alone after bedtime stories, I revel in the glory of new toys, invariably breaking one or two, but quickly shoving as many as possible back in the toy box upon hearing the garage door opening. When the parents enter the room, the key is to switch the tv to CNN (off of either skinemax or cartoons, depending on your mood), and pretend to be asleep in the armchair. whatever toys are still scattered around are obviously just remnants from your horrific evening with their demon spawn, after enduring which you promptly passed out in front of Nancy Grace. Nothing like a good cover-up.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
You are my restless soul's shelter, my lonely heart's company, and my inquiring mind's ultimate answer.
This year has flown by the fastest of my life. I was so miserable for a few years there... my dad died, i married an asshole, had to try to get divorced, then I was trying to finish school, figure out what i wanted to do, and dating an alcoholic with a gambling problem... misery drags time out.
I've never been this happy. Even with Eric gone, this is the best year of my life. Just having him in my life is enough. I'm grateful we had the time to move at a pace with which we're comfortable - which is this weird fast/slow pace, since we built a house together but haven't had to have roomate arguments yet, etc. anyways, I know I'm going to blink and be 50, and look over at him and squeeze his hand, and realize that time flies when you're happy, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Then I'll blink again, and we'll have grandkids and ... what better way could anything end than hand-in-hand with a friend?
I've never been this happy. Even with Eric gone, this is the best year of my life. Just having him in my life is enough. I'm grateful we had the time to move at a pace with which we're comfortable - which is this weird fast/slow pace, since we built a house together but haven't had to have roomate arguments yet, etc. anyways, I know I'm going to blink and be 50, and look over at him and squeeze his hand, and realize that time flies when you're happy, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Then I'll blink again, and we'll have grandkids and ... what better way could anything end than hand-in-hand with a friend?
I'm quite aware this won't be popular, but...I hate stupid people.
IN RESPONSE TO THIS MESSAGE FROM ERIC:
"I'm upset. I just read an article saying that all South African babies born with HIV will receive treatments to let them live longer. Umm...long enough so they grow up and have sex and infect even more people? Good plan. Fu**ing retards. If I never step foot in Africa (except Egypt) I'll be happy."
RESPONSE:
As long as we pause on the continent long enough to say we've Christened it, I'm right there with you. I don't really see the point.
Part of evolution is that the less intelligent die off. The ones who haven't figured out how to NOT get sick (aka treat water, do something with your waste other than put it on your crops or put it in the same stream from which you procure your drinking water, etc). If they can't survive because they haven't figured out how, even when the technology/education is at their disposal (or forced down their throats, since we're teaching them how AIDS is transferred and how to prevent it and they don't believe it), then DARWIN, baby, DARWIN.
The sad part is, that will eventually start happening in the US and the rest of the world as the less intelligent continue to procreate at larger rates than their incomes can allow (or the economy can support/feed), on top of using the only money they have on useless crap they don't need (such as anything nascar, porcelain kittens, the latest gaming system, hot tubs, tattoos, cars that don't work, and sweatshirts with ANYTHING screen-printed on the front.)
I would argue that having the most recent gaming system and regularly playing it actually moves a child FURTHER from being a contributing member of society in the long-run, and further from being eugenically relevant to the long-term continuation of the human race.
The time spent staring at a screen comes at a high opportunity cost, including:
MENTAL STIMULATION that applies to something BESIDES the video game. So your child beat Halo 3 at 12 years old. Can he multiply? Divide? Speak another language (other than something learned while playing an old "Dora the Explorer" game)? Problem-solve (other than how to beat the goblin on level 8 by pressing combinations of A/B/Z/Up/Down buttons?)
This brings us to the second opportunity cost:
A RELEVANT EDUCATION. Topics would include:
-human history: if you don't learn from your mistakes, you're bound to repeat them.
-literature: be honest, in order to understand history and wtf people were talking about, you have to read some of the things they read. You'll then have common ground and understand what they're talking about and where they're coming from.
-wilderness education: if you don't know how to keep from freezing to death, which plants and animals are edible, when to NOT be in certain places, etc, you're definitely in trouble. Not to mention HOW TO READ A MAP. That's right, that paper thing with the red and blue squiggly lines. GPS won't work when there's no one around smart enough to keep the satellites orbiting the earth. (or making/designing the GPS's, for that matter)
Even if you can READ the map, there's still the NEXT cost to consider:
ANY SORT OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY- they aren't exercising, which makes running AFTER prey or AWAY from predators more difficult. or biking away from them, etc. (I'm ignoring cars/motorized vehicles in this case because they are bad for the environment and gas supplies aren't limitless. I'm ignoring the possibility of solar-powered electric cars because if "Idiocracy" is in effect, they won't be running anyways. Again, they won't know how to make or fix them. :) )
The lack of physical activity would cause a weaker heart, greater diabetes, shorter life expectancy, higher cholesterol, less exposure to the outdoors (and therefore less familiarity with things like pollen, likely resulting in more allergies, etc.), less muscle tone (except in your thumbs - again, making it more difficult to hunt your quarry). Less exercise is also linked to more injuries. With less intelligent doctors (*cough cough* universal healthcare!), the injuries are more likely to not make it in the first place, and less likely to heal properly, again resulting in problems getting food (or a mate).
True, man can grow food. Learning nothing but the landscape of their living rooms would leave them unaccustomed to physical labor, making it less likely they're able to grow food. Further, the education they could have received in biology and botany would help them understand which plants grow best in which conditions, how to maximize harvest, etc.
THE LAST opportunity cost, perhaps the most costly:
HUMAN INTERACTION. By inserting so many forms of communication between people (IMing, emailing, texting, phones, skype, mail, twitter, facebook, etc), we're actually communicating with each other LESS. This is actually resulting in people never learning proper body language and how to express themselves verbally. This could result in a lot of miscommunication, or the eventual breakdown in human society's ability to come to agreements. Being capable of expressing opinions only with smiley faces and "lol"s does not bode well for the future. It's called VOCABULARY, people! "diatribe" and "harangue" are NOT the same thing as "criticism"!
I have to stop myself or I'll just keep going... GAH!
"I'm upset. I just read an article saying that all South African babies born with HIV will receive treatments to let them live longer. Umm...long enough so they grow up and have sex and infect even more people? Good plan. Fu**ing retards. If I never step foot in Africa (except Egypt) I'll be happy."
RESPONSE:
As long as we pause on the continent long enough to say we've Christened it, I'm right there with you. I don't really see the point.
Part of evolution is that the less intelligent die off. The ones who haven't figured out how to NOT get sick (aka treat water, do something with your waste other than put it on your crops or put it in the same stream from which you procure your drinking water, etc). If they can't survive because they haven't figured out how, even when the technology/education is at their disposal (or forced down their throats, since we're teaching them how AIDS is transferred and how to prevent it and they don't believe it), then DARWIN, baby, DARWIN.
The sad part is, that will eventually start happening in the US and the rest of the world as the less intelligent continue to procreate at larger rates than their incomes can allow (or the economy can support/feed), on top of using the only money they have on useless crap they don't need (such as anything nascar, porcelain kittens, the latest gaming system, hot tubs, tattoos, cars that don't work, and sweatshirts with ANYTHING screen-printed on the front.)
I would argue that having the most recent gaming system and regularly playing it actually moves a child FURTHER from being a contributing member of society in the long-run, and further from being eugenically relevant to the long-term continuation of the human race.
The time spent staring at a screen comes at a high opportunity cost, including:
MENTAL STIMULATION that applies to something BESIDES the video game. So your child beat Halo 3 at 12 years old. Can he multiply? Divide? Speak another language (other than something learned while playing an old "Dora the Explorer" game)? Problem-solve (other than how to beat the goblin on level 8 by pressing combinations of A/B/Z/Up/Down buttons?)
This brings us to the second opportunity cost:
A RELEVANT EDUCATION. Topics would include:
-human history: if you don't learn from your mistakes, you're bound to repeat them.
-literature: be honest, in order to understand history and wtf people were talking about, you have to read some of the things they read. You'll then have common ground and understand what they're talking about and where they're coming from.
-wilderness education: if you don't know how to keep from freezing to death, which plants and animals are edible, when to NOT be in certain places, etc, you're definitely in trouble. Not to mention HOW TO READ A MAP. That's right, that paper thing with the red and blue squiggly lines. GPS won't work when there's no one around smart enough to keep the satellites orbiting the earth. (or making/designing the GPS's, for that matter)
Even if you can READ the map, there's still the NEXT cost to consider:
ANY SORT OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY- they aren't exercising, which makes running AFTER prey or AWAY from predators more difficult. or biking away from them, etc. (I'm ignoring cars/motorized vehicles in this case because they are bad for the environment and gas supplies aren't limitless. I'm ignoring the possibility of solar-powered electric cars because if "Idiocracy" is in effect, they won't be running anyways. Again, they won't know how to make or fix them. :) )
The lack of physical activity would cause a weaker heart, greater diabetes, shorter life expectancy, higher cholesterol, less exposure to the outdoors (and therefore less familiarity with things like pollen, likely resulting in more allergies, etc.), less muscle tone (except in your thumbs - again, making it more difficult to hunt your quarry). Less exercise is also linked to more injuries. With less intelligent doctors (*cough cough* universal healthcare!), the injuries are more likely to not make it in the first place, and less likely to heal properly, again resulting in problems getting food (or a mate).
True, man can grow food. Learning nothing but the landscape of their living rooms would leave them unaccustomed to physical labor, making it less likely they're able to grow food. Further, the education they could have received in biology and botany would help them understand which plants grow best in which conditions, how to maximize harvest, etc.
THE LAST opportunity cost, perhaps the most costly:
HUMAN INTERACTION. By inserting so many forms of communication between people (IMing, emailing, texting, phones, skype, mail, twitter, facebook, etc), we're actually communicating with each other LESS. This is actually resulting in people never learning proper body language and how to express themselves verbally. This could result in a lot of miscommunication, or the eventual breakdown in human society's ability to come to agreements. Being capable of expressing opinions only with smiley faces and "lol"s does not bode well for the future. It's called VOCABULARY, people! "diatribe" and "harangue" are NOT the same thing as "criticism"!
I have to stop myself or I'll just keep going... GAH!
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